Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes…
A national living wage, look into my eyes… Britain deserves a pay rise… don’t look under my eyes, look into my eyes…
The surprising inclusion of a national living wage is not a cynical attempt to divert your attention from what is yet another attack on those most vulnerable.
While it’s inclusion may appear to be an attempt to capture the red flag inside the Labour heartlands while diverting attention from the swingeing cuts to tax credits and benefits elsewhere, I can promise you this is only a fortuitous coincidence.
You will ignore my adoption of the Living Wage Foundation’s lexicon to announce what is essentially a raising of the national minimum wage and you will not question my decision to award only those aged 25yrs and over this increase. You should not ask what this means for the 2 million or so under 25’s who will not gain from this announcement. Again, it is just a happy coincidence that so many young people under the age of 25 happen to be working in such poorly paid jobs.
You will kindly forget that the minimum wage was on course to hit £9 p/h by 2020 in any case and remember instead how shiny my hair looks on tv.
You will not be discouraged by the fact that my best ever new national living wage thing falls short of what the Living Wage Foundation have called or that they did so under the assumption that all those tax credits I just cut would be there to compensate for receiving such pittance.
Instead you will recall the exuberance displayed by Iain Duncan Smith and feel that something very good indeed must have been done.
My new and brilliant national living wage is not an attempt to distract from the fact that public service workers will experience a real-term reduction in wages over the next four years with inflation expected to return to 2% a year and in no way was it meant to draw attention away from yet another budget that makes students, low-income large families and the disabled significantly worse off.
Remember Iain. He hasn’t celebrated like that since Jonathan Woodgate headed in that extra time winner in the 2008 League Cup win.
Three, two, one… you’re back in the room.