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I must admit, I was as surprised as anyone.

Hitherto a deity of such fine standing. A pillar (and often pestle) of many a community. That he should stoop so low. That he need stoop at all given his inferred omnipotence.

And yet, several hours after being relieved of my wallet, roughly one hundred euro of quite hard earned cash, a newly purchased smartphone (unsurprisingly, having the direct number to the Almighty has not resulted in any more success when attempting to contact the Good Lord directly) an assortment of bank cards, ticket stubs and souvenirs, it was the only possible explanation. The Lord God Almighty had revealed himself to me just long enough to steal my possessions before he buggered off once more into the ether never to be heard from again.

As far as clean getaways go, it’s pretty impressive.

As an atheist, I was all the more surprised to find that my finger of suspicion sought finally to rest upon the Good Lord as his non-existence ought to have made it even more difficult to have carried out the heist and yet even this salient fact managed to escape my attention as I poured over the night’s events in an effort to understand what had happened.

It is difficult to describe the myriad emotions that tumble in one’s mind like dirty water on a wash cycle after such misfortune. It is a bewildering tumbling of retribution, second guessing, resentment, ‘why-mes’, shame and some particularly foul thoughts of what soon might visit upon the head of the perpetrator(s). I admit, I was rather shocked by the ill fortune I would willingly have willed upon my attackers without another moment’s thought. Read More

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