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The Bitter Together campaign have today called upon the Scottish Executive to ensure that the forthcoming publication of it’s white paper on Independence is ‘entirely honest and upfront’ about the implications of a ‘Yes’ vote on next year’s Christmas celebrations.

The delivery of a ‘Yes’ vote in next year’s September 18th plebiscite it warns, could have grave consequences for Scotland’s ‘scabby, snot-faced weans’ and could jeopordise entirely the continued enjoyment of the festive season in an newly independent Scotland.

Recent observations published by the London based Institute of Fiscal Studies (IFS) raise a number of concerns regarding the fiscal sustainability of a free Scotland but it is the apparent lack of interest shown by Deputy First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon in explaining what an independent Scotland intends to do about Santa’s carbon footprint that is now irking the rank and filth of Bitter Together.

Recent figures estimate that the nation’s favourite obese drunk will be responsible for releasing 69.7 million metric tonnes of  carbon emissions over the night of the 24th as he sloshes through the snow. This astounding figure includes 53,667 metric tonnes of methane from the arseholes of his reindeer alone. A figure only eclipsed by oor Johann after a ‘think tank’ in Mother India’s.

Alisdair ‘Silver Balls’ Darling, former chancellor and now the brains and brawn behind Bitter Together was proper bealin’ when approached for a comment this afternoon, ‘Listen ya wee radge, I couldnae gie twa monkey fucks aboot a new Constitution for Scotland or transferring Tunnock’s Tea Cakes into public ownership’, he raged, ‘Ah’m mair worried aboot this carbon footprint… ah’ve only jist got ma new carpet fitted in the living room so that bastard better min’ and tak’ his boots aff in the fireplace.’ Read More

In a previous post, we observed the peculiar phenomenon of loss aversion, and the surprising ways in which it can affect our ability to reason, overcome and succeed. It might be beneficial now for those of us in the ‘Yes’ camp, to understand precisely how loss aversion comes about in order to better equip ourselves to counteract it.

Paul Rozin, one of the world’s most highly respected psychologists, noted in ‘Negativity Bias, Negativity Dominance and Contagion’, the ability of a single cockroach to completely ruin a bowl of cherries, while simultaneously pointing out that a single cherry placed upon a bowl of cockroaches does nothing to make the bowl appear more appealing. Read More

The Philosophy of Beards, published in 1880, wisely concluded that ‘the absence of a beard is usually a sign of physical and moral weakness’. No knowledge acquired by mankind in the time that has elapsed since would seem to disprove the theory.

God has a fine beard… if you are so inclined to believe. And we are made in his image no less. Jesus too, had his beard unceremoniously tugged and pulled at shortly before those beastly Roman’s pinned him to the cross for sedition. Salvador Dali had a particularly splendid one. Confucius. Aristotle. Galileo. Karl Marx. Che. Socrates. Charlemagne. Dionysus. Zeus. Mohammed (Orthodox Muslims swear by the beard of the prophet). Darwin. Abe Lincoln. Einstein. Lao Tsu. Sean Connery. John Devoy. Chuck Norris. George Clooney. Yosemite Sam. Jack Sparrow. The Dude Lebowski. Gandalf. Papa Smurf. Brian Blessed. Uncle Jessie. Aragorn and Ben Affleck, the Academy Award winner.

The contribution to the history of mankind from the boyish, soft skinned saps seated across the hairy divide is negligible. Hardly surprising when viewed together as a group. Charles Edward Stewart. Lepidus. Richard Cromwell. Edward II. Warren G. Harding. Kim Jong-un. Margaret Thatcher. John Boehner. Justin Bieber. Ashton Kutcher. Christiano Ronaldo. Zac Efron. One Direction. Frodo Baggins and Ben Affleck, the guy in Gigli. Read More

The Swilcan Bridge spanning the burn of the same name between the first and eighteenth fairways of the Old Course at St. Andrews

Comment: Scotland’s past and the history of golf are inextricably linked but it is what we can learn of Scotland’s future from our beloved game that we must now heed. 

The game of gouff has not always enjoyed a cosy relationship with our nation’s guardians. In 1457, during the reign of James I, it was written into statute that the playing of ‘the golf be vtterly criyt done and nocht vsyt’. James II then explicitly prohibited the playing of golf once more in 1470 in order to encourage archery practice, and James III subsequently reiterated his opposition to the game in 1491.

The game survived such decrees however and the Old Course at St. Andrews, with it’s fairways shaped by grazing sheep and bunkers formed by sheltering livestock, remains the oldest continuing golf field in existence.

So what can our ancient game tell us about Scotland’s chances of securing a resounding ‘Aye’ on September 18th?

Surprisingly much as it turns out, and the news is not good. Read More

Satirical caricature of European women curious...

ca. 1815 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Following on from my last blog in which I outlined the fallacy of the Chewbacca defence, I thought it best to write a little more about argumentation and the myriad fallacies that one might employ in an effort to obstruct debate or force opinion.

It is important to highlight these here as the sheer domination of fallacious reasoning within the media has led to us becoming quite blind to it’s subtlety. Besides, we are constantly reminded by the ‘No’ campaign to be wary of our hearts and vote with our heads so it is only right that I provide a little insight into dark art of dialectics.

There are two types of logical fallacy. Formal and Informal.

Formal fallacies are those arguments that can be shown to be invalid simply by looking at the structure of the argument itself. An example might go something like this. Some x are y. Some y are z. Therefore some x are z. To make sense of this, consider the following statements.

Some Tories are scoundrels.

Some scoundrels are Liberals.

Therefore, some Tories are Liberals. Read More

Kim Jong-un is coming for you… maybe.

Our all too inconspicuous leader chose to grace the workers at Thales in Govan with his presence this week. I say ‘all too inconspicuous’ because oor David has the unerring ability to turn ‘naws’ and ‘dinnae kens’ into ‘ayes’ every time he opens his splendid mouth.

He chose his latest sojourn North of the border to warn of the catastrophic cost independence would have on our safety. You see, it would appear that somewhere between alienating every friend he once had in Europe, dismantling the NHS, cutting legal aid to those most in need, taxing the disabled and hacking away at benefits as though they were bothersome leylandii, David has managed to piss on Kim Jong-un’s Cornflakes too. So enraged is the Supreme Leader in fact, that Davie has been forced to warn us all of the possibly-imminent-sometime-in-the-future-maybe, threat to us if we dare to vote ‘Yes’ next September. Read More

Comment: We are urged time and again to look to our Nordic neighbours for inspiration and answers to the questions Independence raises. Looking more specifically to Stockholm however, may provide even greater clarity.

On August 23rd 1973, Jan-Erik Olsson and Clark Olofsson entered the Kreditbanken premises in Stockholm fully intending to relieve the bank of it’s coffers. The heist failed miserably and the men subsequently took three females and one male employee hostage. The Swedish clerks were kept for six days in a vault during which time they were frequently held at gunpoint and on several occasions were asked to place nooses about their necks and strap bombs to their bodies.

Despite the trauma of such events, when the attempt to free them came, the four hostages fought with their captors against the police. Upon their release one of the hostages even went so far as to set up a fund for the hostage takers’ legal fees. Read More

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